From UK Rut to California Adventure: How I Found Myself at 30

There’s this myth that by 30, you’re supposed to have it all figured out. The career, the house, the plan. You’re supposed to be settling down, putting down roots, buying that forever home.

But what if you’re not ready for that yet? What if there’s a voice inside you whispering that there’s more to experience, more to see, more versions of yourself to discover?

That was me at 30, standing at a crossroads in the UK, realizing I wasn’t ready to settle. And that realization would lead me all the way to California.

Following a Dream (Even When It’s Someone Else’s First)

I moved to California because it was my husband’s dream. He had visited before and fallen completely in love with it—the lifestyle, the weather, the energy. He couldn’t stop talking about it.

I had always wanted to move abroad myself, but I wasn’t sure where. I didn’t have a specific place calling my name. So when he suggested California, I thought, why not? Sometimes the best adventures start by following someone else’s dream until you discover it’s yours too.

I’d holidayed in America as a child—Florida, all theme parks and tourist traps. In my mind, America was just a bigger, louder version of the UK. Similar culture, same language, just with more space and enthusiasm.

That was absolutely not my reality when I actually moved here.

First Impressions: It’s Not Just a Bigger UK

My first impressions when I arrived in California completely shattered my assumptions.

It was so clean. Not in a sterile way, but in a way that felt intentional, cared for. The streets, the neighborhoods, even the air felt different.

And the sun. Oh my god, the sun. Coming from the UK where grey skies are a personality trait, the constant California sunshine was almost disorienting at first. I’d wake up to blue skies day after day and it felt surreal, like I was living in a permanent vacation.

But more than the physical differences, it was just… different. The culture, the pace, the way people interacted, the social norms, the energy of daily life. This wasn’t just a bigger UK. This was a completely different world, and I had to learn how to exist in it.

The Friendship Desert: When Being Social Isn’t Enough

If you know me, you know I’m a very social person. I thrive on connection, conversation, community. I’m the person who strikes up conversations in line at the grocery store, who makes friends at parties, who genuinely loves meeting new people.

So I thought making friends in California would be easy. I’m outgoing, friendly, warm—how hard could it be?

Turns out, pretty hard.

Finding genuine friends was probably the biggest challenge I faced. It took me a good six months to a year to make a close friend. Not acquaintances or people I’d chat with occasionally, but a real, call-them-when-you’re-having-a-bad-day kind of friend.

The loneliness during that time was real. I’d have days where I’d go through my entire routine—errands, walks, daily tasks—and realize I hadn’t had a meaningful conversation with anyone besides my husband. As an extrovert, that was suffocating.

But I refused to give up. I joined Bumble BFF, which felt awkward at first (swiping for friends? Really?), but I committed to it. I really put myself out there in ways that sometimes felt uncomfortable.

I made friends in play parks, chatting with other moms while our kids played. I made friends at a doctor’s appointment, bonding over shared experiences in the waiting room. I made friends in Target, of all places, complimenting someone’s outfit and turning it into a full conversation.

Here’s my strategy: if I meet someone and we vibe, I ask for their number. Just like that. No overthinking, no waiting for them to make the first move, no pretending I’m too cool to need friends. I’m direct: “Hey, I’d love to hang out sometime. Can I get your number?”

Most people say yes. And the ones who don’t? That’s okay too. You can’t be everyone’s person.

The Adventure of New Experiences: Breaking Out of the Rut

The most rewarding and surprising part of my journey has been experiencing new things daily. And I mean daily.

In the UK, I’d lived there for 30 years. I knew every street in my town, every pub, every shortcut. My life had a rhythm, a predictability. I didn’t even realize I was stuck in a rut until I left and felt the contrast.

I wasn’t ready to buy a forever home and settle down yet. And moving to California gave me permission to admit that—to myself and to everyone else.

Here, everything is an adventure. Trying a new hiking trail. Discovering a farmer’s market. Exploring a different neighborhood. Even something as simple as finding a new coffee shop feels exciting because it’s all new.

I’ve seen and experienced so much in the time I’ve been here, and I’m really proud of how confident I’ve become. Confidence isn’t something I thought I needed to work on, but moving abroad strips away all your usual crutches. You can’t rely on familiar places, established friend groups, or knowing how things work. You have to figure it out, advocate for yourself, put yourself out there even when it’s uncomfortable.

And in doing that, I’ve become a version of myself I didn’t know existed. Bolder. More self-assured. More willing to take risks and trust that I’ll figure things out.

The Reality Check: It’s Never the Perfect Time

People always ask me, “How did you know it was the right time to move?”

Here’s the truth: I didn’t. There was no perfect alignment of circumstances, no moment where everything fell into place and the universe gave me a clear sign.

It’s never a good time to move abroad. You will never have enough money saved. You will always miss friends and family. There will always be a reason to wait—a job to finish, a lease to let expire, a event you don’t want to miss, a comfort zone you’re reluctant to leave.

But here’s what I’ve learned: the rewards in personal growth are really, really worth it.

The discomfort of starting over. The loneliness of building a new social circle from scratch. The frustration of not knowing where anything is or how things work. The homesickness that hits you at random moments.

All of it is worth it.

Because on the other side of that discomfort is growth. Adventure. Confidence. A life that feels expansive instead of restrictive. A version of yourself you didn’t know you could become.

My Advice: Just Take the Plunge

If you’re considering moving abroad and you’re waiting for the “right time,” let me save you some time: it’s never going to feel right. You’re never going to feel 100% ready. There will always be doubts, fears, practical concerns.

So my advice? Just take the plunge and go for it.

Stop waiting for perfect circumstances. Stop overthinking every possible outcome. Stop letting fear disguise itself as practicality.

Yes, you’ll miss your friends and family. FaceTime and visits help, but it’s not the same as being there. You have to make peace with that.

Yes, money will be tight sometimes. You’ll stress about finances and wonder if you can really afford this life. But you’ll figure it out, just like you’ve figured out every other challenge in your life.

Yes, it will be hard. There will be days when you question everything and wonder if you made a terrible mistake. Those days are part of the process.

But there will also be days when you wake up in California sunshine, meet a new friend at Target, try a hiking trail you’ve never been on, and think, “Holy shit, I actually did this. I moved across the world and built a life.”

Those days make everything worth it.

What I’ve Learned About Myself

Moving to California at 30 taught me that I’m more adaptable than I thought. That I can build community from scratch. That I don’t need the safety net of familiar places and established routines to thrive.

It taught me that confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have—it’s something you build through repeated acts of courage. Every time you put yourself out there, every time you ask for someone’s number, every time you navigate an unfamiliar situation, you’re building that muscle.

It taught me that being stuck in a rut isn’t always obvious. Sometimes you need distance and perspective to realize you weren’t growing anymore, that your life had become comfortable but stagnant.

It taught me that following someone else’s dream can lead you to discovering your own. I came here for my husband, but I stayed for myself.

To the Person Reading This Who’s Scared

I see you. I know you’re scared. I know you have a thousand reasons why now isn’t the right time, why you should wait, why it’s too risky.

But let me ask you this: what’s the risk of not going? What’s the cost of staying comfortable, staying safe, staying stuck?

You’re 30 (or 25, or 40, or whatever age you are), and you’re not ready to settle down yet. That’s okay. That’s more than okay. That’s honest.

The world is big. Life is short. You have more time than you think, but also less than you’d like to believe.

So take the plunge. Book the flight. Have the scary conversation. Make the leap.

It won’t be perfect. It will be messy and hard and uncertain.

But it will also be the best decision you ever make.

I promise.

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This is my story—from 30 years in the UK to a new life in California, from comfortable routine to daily adventure, from wondering if I could do it to knowing I absolutely can.

Sometimes the life you’re meant to live is waiting on the other side of fear.