Some moves abroad go exactly according to plan. You get the job, secure the visa, find the perfect apartment, and life just… works out.

This is not that story.

But it’s a good story anyway. Maybe even better, because it’s real.

From Michigan to Utah to The Netherlands: Following the Pull Back to Europe

Hi, I’m Marley, and I’m a 29-year-old American living in The Netherlands just outside Amsterdam. I was born in Michigan, but I spent the last 11 years in Utah—that’s where I went to university and started my career in real estate development. It was a good life. Stable. Predictable. The kind of life that makes sense on paper.

But my partner Sean and I both had this itch we couldn’t quite scratch.

See, we’d both lived abroad before in our early 20s—me in Norway, Sean in Sweden. We had those formative experiences that change you, that show you there’s a whole world beyond the bubble you grew up in. And ever since having those separate experiences, we knew we wanted to move abroad again, but this time together.

We were open to really anywhere in Europe. We didn’t have our hearts set on one specific country or city. We just knew we wanted to be back on that side of the Atlantic, living that European lifestyle we’d both fallen in love with years ago.

Then we attended a wedding in the southern Netherlands—friends of Sean’s from his time living in Sweden. And something clicked. We fell in love with the country. The canals, the bikes, the architecture, the vibe. But more practically, we realized it would be easiest to transition somewhere we already had friends and connections. Moving abroad is hard enough without starting from absolute zero.

So The Netherlands it was.

The Plan That Completely Fell Apart

Here’s how it was supposed to go: Sean had a job secured before we officially moved. The company would sponsor both our visas, making for a very smooth transition. We’d arrive, hit the ground running, and start our new European life with minimal stress.

We had it all figured out.

Then we arrived in The Netherlands, and the company informed us they were no longer able to sponsor our visas due to ever-changing immigration laws.

Let me give you a second to let that sink in. We had already moved. Already left our jobs, our house, our life in Utah. Already said goodbye to friends and family. Already crossed the ocean with all our belongings.

And then the rug got pulled out from under us.

The Visa Nightmare: A Crash Course in Resilience

What followed was one of the most painstaking and expensive processes I’ve ever been through. We had to pivot completely and apply for different visas—we’re now here on the Dutch American Friendship Treaty visa, also known as DAFT (ironic name, given the circumstances).

The DAFT visa has given us the ability to stay, but it comes with limitations. It restricts the type of jobs we can hold and has created an inconsistent stream of income. It’s not the secure, straightforward path we’d planned for.

And it’s taught me the most important lesson I could share with anyone wanting to move abroad: secure a job first. I cannot stress this enough.

Your job will be the cornerstone of getting a visa, finding housing, and having a successful transition. You may have your heart set on a certain country, but your education level, career field, or not speaking the language could all impede your ability to actually live there. Do your research. Understand the visa requirements. Know what you’re walking into before you take that leap.

We thought we had done everything right. We had the job secured. And it still fell through. So imagine how much harder it would have been if we’d arrived with nothing lined up at all.

Fighting Isolation: Embracing Dutch Culture Like My Life Depends On It

When your transition doesn’t go according to plan, when you’re stressed about visas and money and uncertainty, it would be easy to isolate. To stay home, doom-scroll on your phone, and feel sorry for yourself.

I decided to do the opposite.

Something that has really helped me stay sane and feel less isolated is staying up to date on events around me and fully embracing Dutch culture and holidays. The Netherlands has this really great sense of community, and there is always something going on.

Carnivals. Outdoor movies. Farmer’s markets. Yoga on the beach. Music and food festivals. Running groups in the park. There’s an event for literally everything, and I make it a point to show up.

I’m also constantly educating myself on Dutch culture and trying to participate in their unique events. King’s Day celebration, where the entire country turns orange and parties in the streets. The arrival of Sinterklaas, which is like Dutch Santa but way more elaborate. The famous flower parades that are absolutely breathtaking.

All these events aren’t just fun—they also help you feel like part of the community. They help you learn more about your new home. And they’re a great way to meet people who share your interests.

For me, absorbing myself into the local culture and customs has been the best antidote to homesickness. Yes, I miss my friends and family back in the States. Of course I do. But I’m not just existing here waiting to feel less homesick—I’m actively building a life.

Pro tip: Check your city’s website and social media accounts for information on events. That’s where I find everything, and it’s been a game-changer.

The Power of Online Communities: You’re Not Alone

Here’s my most practical tip for anyone about to move abroad or who just arrived: join support groups online immediately.

I’m talking Facebook groups, WhatsApp group chats, Reddit threads—anywhere expats gather to share information, vent frustrations, and support each other through the chaos of international relocation.

Because here’s the thing: it’s so easy to see people on social media posting about their fun new lives abroad and think, “Wow, they make it look so easy! How come I’m having such a hard time and am so overwhelmed by this process?”

Let me tell you a secret: social media is only a highlight reel. People don’t usually share all the struggles they had—or are probably continuously having—with moving abroad. The visa stress, the loneliness, the moments of panic, the days when you question every decision that led you here.

Joining online groups allows you to get advice on all the questions and fears you have and meet others in the same boat as you. This is how I got advice on which visa to apply for, how to switch over my phone plan, where to find jobs and housing, or even something as simple as the best grocery store to shop at.

These groups saved me during those first few months. They reminded me that I wasn’t failing—I was just going through the same struggle everyone goes through.

Making Friends: Start with Expats, Then Branch to Locals

Making friends as an adult in a foreign country is its own special challenge. And I’m not going to sugarcoat it: it can be kind of tricky making friends with locals.

My advice? Start with expats. You already have the common ground of living in a foreign country, navigating the same systems, dealing with the same frustrations. There’s an instant understanding and camaraderie.

Look for groups centered around your favorite hobbies—reading, biking, running, painting, cooking, whatever lights you up. These groups host meetups, creating a natural way to make friends without the awkwardness of forced small talk.

Then, as you get more comfortable, learning the language and customs will go a long way with locals. They appreciate the effort, even if your Dutch is rough (and mine definitely is). It shows you’re trying to integrate, not just exist in an expat bubble.

My Favorite Netherlands Resources (Because Community Matters)

If you’re also moving to The Netherlands, here are some groups and accounts I absolutely love:

Facebook:

• Expat Netherlands Housing and Work
• Girl Gone International Amsterdam
• The Expat Women NL
• Jobs in The Netherlands
• Expat Housing in The Netherlands
• Amsterdam Events

Instagram:

• Vrouventure NL
• Mingle Community
• Sunday Run Club
• Out and About Amsterdam
• Where is the Market

And of course, you can follow me at @travelguidebymarley for more tips and real talk about expat life in The Netherlands!

What I’ve Learned: Plans Change, But You Adapt

If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be in The Netherlands on a completely different visa than we’d planned, with a completely different financial situation, navigating a completely different path than we’d mapped out—I probably would have panicked.

But here’s what I’ve learned: plans change. Life throws curveballs. The job falls through. The visa gets complicated. Nothing goes exactly as you expected.

And you know what? You survive anyway. You adapt. You figure it out. You find community. You build a life that’s different from what you imagined but still beautiful in its own right.

Yes, I miss my friends and family back home. Yes, the visa situation has been stressful. Yes, there are days when I wonder if we should have just stayed in Utah where everything was easy and predictable.

But then I go to a farmer’s market on a Saturday morning, or bike along a canal at sunset, or meet up with new friends for coffee, and I remember why we did this. I remember that growth happens outside your comfort zone. I remember that the best stories come from the plans that fell apart.

To Anyone Considering the Move

If you’re thinking about moving abroad, here’s what I want you to know:

It won’t go according to plan. I can almost guarantee that. There will be unexpected challenges, frustrating setbacks, moments when you question everything.

But it will also be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.

Do your research. Secure a job if you can. Understand the visa requirements. Join online communities before you even arrive. Save more money than you think you’ll need.

And then, when things inevitably don’t go according to plan, remember that you’re more adaptable than you think. You’re more resilient. You’re more capable of handling uncertainty.

The life you’re building in a new country might look different than you imagined, but that doesn’t mean it’s not exactly what you need.

Sean and I are still figuring it out. We’re still dealing with visa limitations and job uncertainty. We’re still learning Dutch (slowly). We’re still homesick sometimes.

But we’re also living in The Netherlands. We’re building a community. We’re experiencing a different pace of life, a different culture, a different way of being in the world.

And even though the plan fell apart, we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.

---

This is my story—from smooth transition to complete chaos, from Plan A to Plan… whatever letter we’re on now. The job fell through, the visa got complicated, and we made it work anyway.

Because sometimes the best adventures come from the plans that don’t work out.